Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever been in love
You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You're holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been so in love

Have you ever walked on air
Ever felt like you were dreamin'
When you never thought it could
But it really feels that good
Have you ever been so in love

Have you ever been in love
You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You're holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been in love, have you?

The time I spent waiting For something that was heaven sent
When you find it, don't let go.. I know

Have you ever said a prayer
And found that it was answered
All my hope has been restored
And I ain't looking anymore
Have you ever been so in love, have you?

Some place that you ain't leavin'
Somewhere you're gonna stay
When you finally found the meaning
Have you ever felt this way
The time I spent waiting For something that was heaven sent
When you find it, don't let go, I know

'Cause have you ever been in love, so in love
You can touch the moonlight
You can even reach the stars
Doesn't matter near or far
Have you ever been so in love
'Cause have you ever been in love
Have you ever been in love?... So in love.

"Have You Ever Been In Love" -- Celine Dion

My Independence

Can I make it alone?
I am afraid to stand on my own.
If I stumble, will someone be there to pick me up?
..or will I get trampled on?
I don't have my wings yet..
What will make me fly?

I wipe my own tears..
comfort my own fears..
Am I strong? Am I good enough?
I have to be successful..not because I want to be..
but because they want me to be.
I wooble.. I puff.. I fall..
Can I cry now?
will my tears make me weak?
I need my home..
where I don't have to be afraid anymore..
where someone hugs me and tucks me to bed.
I am alone now.
Will my success be my happiness?
..or my happiness be my success?
Until then..
I have my arms open wide..
waiting for that first draft of wind..
and if ever I should fall.. my wings will outstretch to the heavens..
..and I will FLY.

My mortality

Every now and then, I think about how we are consumed by our own lives. Time is either a friend or an enemy. When I lay down to sleep each night, I remember what my gradeschool teacher said:
"When you sleep, you are practicing your own death."
I was young and I didn't know what it meant. But now I finally do.
You get to have a taste of what it's like to be numb..
to be helpless.. to be hopeful.
To hope for new day..
hope to have something or someone to wake up to..
hope to have another chance at life.
Time will come when our body is too old and weary to wake up to another day.
What then, will become of us?
That's when we hope for a soul..
that there is something to look forward to beyond our life on earth.
But is there really?

I have read about people who had NDE (near-death-experience).
I was skeptical about it, but it gave me hope.
There was this story about a woman who had a brain surgery.
She knew she died when she felt herself "pop-out" of her body, the moment her life monitor flat-lined. She was hovering above the surgeons who were frantically trying to save her life. She was aware of what was happening as she looked at the familiar faces of the doctors and nurses. She can see how one nurse was complaining about how something that won't stop bleeding, and how one surgeon took something that look like an electric tootbrush to her head.
Suddenly, everything went dark. She found herself walking through a dark tunnel and saw light at the end of it. She didn't know why, but she felt so much love and happiness that she wanted to cry. When she was near the light, she saw her friends and relatives who passed away, waiting for her, waving and smiling. One of them stepped closer and told her that it is not yet her time. She didn't want to leave, but suddenly felt she was being sucked back by the darkness, and felt herself splash on ice cold water. The surgeons did it, they saved her life. Her life monitor started beeping again and all organ functions returned to normal. A few weeks after her operation, she told the doctors about her experience. Some of them concluded it was only because the brain was needing more oxygen and that hallucinations were bound to happen. But when they traced back the moment her "hallucinations" were happening, they found out that she was clinically dead. Meaning, it was impossible that she could have had these hallucinations when there was no brain activity during that time. She told the doctors what she saw when she had the out-of-body experience. It turned out, that the nurse did complain about one of the veins in the patient's brain that wouldn't stop bleeding. The electric toothbrush she saw was the small hacksaw the surgeon was using to cut a part of her skull. How could she have known these,when at that time, she was announced dead?

Now, isn't it hope giving you goosebumps right now?
Memories might be the only things we can take with us in the next life.
Cry.
Laugh.
Live.
Love.
Cherish.
Remember..
..and live again.

My Buddy

This is my friend..
My loyal companion..
My giggles and wet kisses..
Can you find her?

Today I took her to the vet. She didn't know what was going on so she stayed quiet on the doctor's table. I tried to hold her while the doctor took some blood..
she cried..
and even while I was holding her, she trembled in fear.
For such a small dog, they needed so much blood.
I let the assistant take her while I stayed in the waiting room..
I was so sure I was going to faint had I not sitten down.
It was hot inside the clinic but the sweat on my skin was cold.
The doctor said I have to leave her overnight so she can observe what's wrong with her.
I know she's going to be fine..
but I feel so helpless.
When I left the clinic, I gave her a big hug and she looked at me straight in the eye.
I gave her a longing look..hoping she can understand that I don't want to leave her but have to.
But She gave me a look that I knew meant,
"come back for me tomorrow,ok?"

My Guilty Pleasure

Some will find it odd..
Some will find it fascinating..
Some will find it incredible..

I lock my door..
turn off the light..
take off my clothes..
and have myself a good cry..

A cry for no reason..
A cry to find reasons..
A cry for all the reasons..

It is a moment when I am both happy and sad..
a moment when I take life's essence and fill my heart with emotions..
Always searching for an answer that hasn't been pondered by my senseless thoughts.
It is tiring..
and yet..
relief starts to overflow from that last drop of tear.
every aching part of my body starts to fade away..
and new kinds of feelings start to well up..
courage..
strength..
hope..
happiness..
like spring time after the cold winter.

And all of a sudden..
that slice of chocolate cake sounds yummy..
A big *sigh*..
A big smile..
A good stretch..
And a little prayer for the finale..

"Thank you Lord for a very nice day!"

My Temper

When you have a crappy day, your personalized therapy is:
stuffing yourself with pizza or ice cream..
throwing anything fragile across the room..
driving around town so you can honk your horn all the way back...
pounding your fists on someone's chest..
sigh and stare at the ceiling 'til you fall asleep..
Whatever it is, it may not work on me.
you'll shed blood trying to calm me down..
well..maybe just a few scratches and a broken eardrum.
Nasty..uh-huh..
That was how I used to be..
until I met the person who changed my life.
Ok, so maybe i still get moody at times, but i'm much calmer now.
When i'm really hot in the face but want to control myself, i look at the trees and watch them sway gently from the wind. Something about the rustling of the leaves relaxes my mind and eases my body tension. Or maybe it soothes me at the sight of something strong allow itself to be moved by the wind. At night, It helps too to watch the moon just shine and break through the darkness. Even when it's not as bright as the sun, or as many as the stars, it still radiates a humble, yet wondrous glow. As if to say: I am alone in the dark, like you are when you're sad, and there's no one to cheer you up. I borrow light from the sun,like you borrowed life from the Lord. But I give what i receive, like you.. when your loved, and you love them back. Sometimes I hide behind the clouds, like you when you're upset or insecure. You want to be alone, but you still want to know that you're not. That's why I am here.

But still...
the best comfort...
the best therapy...
the best you're-not-alone..
the best you-are-loved..

...is a warm hug from the people you truly care about.

My Faith

This is a picture that i got from my e-mail. It was taken from a hubble telescope, and
NASA calls it the "Eye of God".

Have you ever tried looking up at the sky one night, and find yourself talking to the wind? A time when your mind is empty and it just drifts through the infinity of the universe?
Isn't it amazing how you don't seem to get tired of just looking at something that resembles sugar sprinkles on the sky? Have you ever wondered if heaven was somewhere beyond the stars?

When I was in highschool, my bestfriend and I were sitting on the campus grounds to watch the sun set. She pointed to the sky and said, "doesn't that cloud look like the Gate of heaven? The sun is almost hidden behind it, but you can see the golden lining that seems to suggest that it is open for angels to come and go as they please."
I smiled..thinking of how heaven would look like. I pictured it with rainbows and flowers and all sorts of creatures floating around a pearly white castle.
But I guess I'll never know until that day..

I rarely go to church, and i rarely make the sign of the cross. But I am a believer. People often base God by books or by what other people say. I base Him by my feelings, by what I experience with his gift- my life. I learned from school that the bible was inspired by God, that He was the author.That because of supernatural powers, humans were impelled to write the sacred book.I learned in the church that God is good. But you know what? I realized that people can try to convince you of something, but it won't really work if you're just not open. Faith is not something that can be taught, it is something that you have to experience for yourself. A need to feel pain in order to know joy, a need to fail to taste the sweetness of success, a need to suffer in order to believe. God is everywhere, so how can people base Him by only what they see or hear about Him? His temple is not the church, but in the hearts of all living things.

So where is heaven? Up there? I don't think so, 'coz God won't be looking down upon us like some kind of an experiment. I believe heaven is where our hearts are. Where He can feel our joy, our sadness, our need for Him to be with us, always. He resides in every sweat, and tear, and beat of our hearts..'til that moment when we can be with Him again.

Now, isn't it funny how I can't talk to the president..
.. but I can talk to God?